Month April 2014

Who wants to live forever?

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Apparently a lot of people. The search for immortality has been around longer than most of us have been alive. Last year, National Geographic published an article about living to be 120 years old. My first reaction was: Who the fuck would want to live to be 120 years old? The guy behind me in the line at the grocery store agreed, which is as scientific a poll as I need to know this is the talk of nutters.

How many years would someone have to work to support that long of a life? Most people are already bored with their jobs. If we had to work twenty or even thirty more years inside cubicles, we might all commit suicide. Which would kind of defeat having the ability to live to 120.

The fact that I think like this shows I am already too old for this society. I sound like a grumpy old man. And I am only in my early forties. Imagine how pissy I’d be 80 years from now.

If I could be 20 years old for 100 years, I might think differently about this.

Russian millionaire Dmitry Itskov does think differently about this. He wants to upload his brain to a computer so his consciousness will be immortal. As sci-fi as this sounds, we’re moving in that direction.

This poses some interesting questions and gives a whole new meaning to living in the clouds, as I assume one’s consciousness would be backed up on a cloud somewhere and possibly duplicated (will that make me bipolar?).

Do I have to be tech-savvy to be able to do this? If I am not tech-savvy (as I said, I am in my forties and I don’t understand why tumblr and flickr refuse to use the letter e and often ask if I need to show real enthusiasm every time I say Yahoo!), will I experience my own hell, a never ending Code 404 Error or a spinning beach ball for eternity?

And would we all get the same speed for our uploaded brains? Or would some people still have dial-up? And would those of us on fiber optics be allowed to make fun of them for being slow, or would that be politically incorrect?

It’s not likely I’ll be uploading my consciousness. But if I do, I sure hope my brain gets a million Likes.

Guns Everywhere

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The south has given us yet another reason to love it. Georgia Governor Nathan Deal yesterday signed into law the Safe Carry Protection Act, more commonly known as the Guns Everywhere Bill. It is now legal to carry a firearm almost anywhere in Georgia. And I say, Great move, Georgia!

Governor Deal told the Atlanta Journal Constitution, “People who follow the rules can protect themselves and their families from people who don’t follow the rules.” And he is absolutely right. As the NRA says, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. And for all of us in the room that is getting shot up, we can seek solace in knowing we can now dodge the bullets of thirty guns held by good guys, rather than just one held by a bad guy.

And in case that wasn’t sport enough, the law allows hunters to put silencers on their guns. Because nothing is sadder than watching a baby deer flinch at a loud sound just before she sees her mother drop dead from a gunshot. Too bad this wasn’t in place a few years ago. If Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face in the woods and no one hears it, did he really get shot?

The law also forbids police from asking someone with a gun if they have a permit for the gun, unless that person is committing another crime. Talk about awkward. Imagine assaulting someone at gunpoint, only to realize you left your permit at home.